The most beautiful thing in existence is the universe itself.
The shimmering endless iridescence of the galaxies, swirling with stars and life. An array of the deepest purples of the aging sky and the brightest touch of daffodil. Blues of warmest clear oceans speckled with grains of glimmering onyx. The warm breath of clouds swim in the never ending sunrise.
Everything is so beautiful.
Except all that I touch... all that I breathe... it is never going to be the beauty that I see.
And with every fiber of my being I want to be that beauty...
Nobody can even feel this loss. I should be happy... it isn't like I am not cared for and all that was said it wasn't bad... I could be happy spending the rest of my life with you too...
But I am not that feeling inside, below your chest that takes your breath away, I am not that flutter that is almost doubtful because of how strong it is...
But... but... you do love me? And you are broken... that is what is going on. And it shouldn't hurt. I know you. You wouldn't hurt me, you want me to be happy... all the things you said. That there is nothing wrong with me. That I am...
But... I am not that shining star that you long for. You are my star... everything is brighter because of you. Things are falling into place after falling so scattered. And all I want is to be loved by you like that... so many before... not to one was I the only one. Their world. You are my world... I want to be yours too... why do I have to be the lucky one... aren't you lucky too...? No, there is nothing I can do to fix it or even need to do to change myself. It isn't my fault... and you are broken.
Everything you said. You told me that this was the worst thing you could do to me.
Not love me back...
And it hurts so bad...
You aren't 'in love' with me.
Everything you said. It wasn't bad? It wasn't good. It answered my question and in turn created an enigma...
And it hurt so bad... everything. And I want to not feel this way. I want things to be beautiful.
Why can't things be beautiful for me.
Ashes to ashes... Dust to dust...
Everything I touch turns into rust.
Please lay this pain to rest.
Can you feel me broken beneath my breast?
I savor every word and touch
because I love you too much.
And all I can do is hope and pray...
that you will love me too... someday.
Maybe you will wake up one day and realize... but something that isn't going to be there... is it ever going to be there? I just wish you could feel how much my heart hurts. It is like... for all I put into everything... and anything... I am allowed nothing in return... and I should have realized that I am not allowed to be happy. Haven't I learned my lesson yet? I am not allowed to be happy.
I want to touch the stars...
and see the ripples of my ugly life fade away.
Why is there so much pain in my existence?
"Holding close my secrets, naked broken pieces.
Since no one else belongs here with me."
