It is if I can feel every molecule in my body. Each one in pain. My lungs have compressed only allowing the most vital air to squeeze in. The ribs shaping my body are all daggers pulling in tighter. A pair of hands pull each thread attached to my being. Inflicting cruel torment, the only think that feels at all. Empty... I want to feel again.Only his touch can create my life spark.
I see past all the cruelty. I still believe the best. It is foolish. Why can't people be happy with what they have? I realize my mistakes now. *Deep breath* Be careful what you wish for.
The problem with taking a shot in the dark... failure is more then likely.
I just wish I didn't feel like this. Why can't he love me? The only person in the world I want, doesn't want me. Devoted before and suddenly... void. Human nature is really this cruel. So much devotion for me. My all is worth nothing?
The hero of my life was a villain all along. What ungodly thing did I do to deserve to have nothing? All I have to give, I have given... even when I pushed away. I want to claw my chest open to see if there is something wrong with my soul. Pull out my heart and leave it at his feet. It will still mean nothing in the end.
Good things come to those who wait? Right. I waited so long for love. The best thing in my life has become the worse. But I still hang on to the childish notion that everything is still going to be just fine. This is just another nightmare and suddenly I am going to defeat the big bad guy. The zombies are swarming me but my love is alive out there. I will survive with my sword and gun. The sweat rolls down my face slowly, counting the seconds until I have to make my move. Everything is silent and every muscle is prepared to strike. My eyes are close, while everything is in perfect focus. Even the smell of rotting flesh acts as fuel. Fire pumps through every vein at an increasing velocity as time begins to catch up from where it left me. Open eyes: Everything swirls into nothingness and where I am is the same shade of darkness that pulls me into sleep.
The ratio of inner pain verses outer pain too unbalanced. My skin is going to crack and all the sorrow in side is going to drip out. I can't hold it in. Can't breath, can't feel and can't think. Blinded with confusion. Choked with frustration. Sounds of silent pounding disbelief. Collapse on the ground. Nothing is real. Everything is hyper-real and for just a second in the emotional intensity is a release. Before it all comes crashing down again. I wish it was as easy as closing my eyes and letting meditation take me away. It is never going to happen.
I know Owen is my soul-mate.
Someone wake me up from this nightmare.
