Everything is so dark, inky clouds of misunderstanding and confusion. I want to think I can see everything so clearly. What is this though?
I have this feeling and it burns against my chest. A fuzzy floating lighter than air. Curse my tongue if I say love for you. It is there. Those butterflies I've been chasing are inside of me, all of them. To feel the warmth of your fingers against my ice cold skin. It is fading. Closing my eyes and tilting my head back, barely stirs the butterflies anymore. Not because they aren't there but because you aren't. Apparitions of the person who has my heart... but how are you treating it? Do you realize...
I keep telling everyone that they need to just give the people they love a slap in the face, a big dose of coughing reality, choke them, make them feel the truth of the air they are taking away. I need someone to do that to me. I can give and give and give but to what point will it finally leave me with nothing but a sketch. Won't someone tell me that I have big flaws I need to fix. Am I selfish... perhaps I am. I just want everyone to love me... or everyone to hate me. Huddled in a corner crying emo because I thrive on the darkness. I'm really not that crazy...
Distance of my mind from me is miles, trying to find its way back to me, bestowing a deep rest. Isn't there anyone to tell me how fucked up I am? Perhaps maybe just what I am doing right... am I? Am I doing anything right? Or am I hanging on... not worth hanging on. At some point the strength of my grasp is going to weaken. Nobody is going to catch me. Are they. The odds are already towering above me, wobbling with uncertainty, the echo of my soft steps will disturb the serenity at some point. Crashing down to me...
Where is the line when the metaphors become the truth. Tangible, tasteless and passionate.
What is going to happen. Should I just live for now, or live for tomorrow. Something that may not even exist.
Not even my dreams bring me the peace I desire. I feel the essence of the beauty I may hold whisper away into nothingness. All I hear are the moans, groans and ear splitting ethos of those around me. Only caring for themselves it seems. I am here! I am here... just a ghost in the after thoughts of your dreams. That little feeling... that little feeling. The feeling you don't have. Then I am gone.
Laying in the darkness all I was thinking about was you. What are you thinking about? I know it isn't me... nothing satisfies you. I don't satisfy you beyond a surface level. You are always going to want more. And this is all I have. I am giving you my everything and I am weak with exhaustion. My bones aches and my soul feels dark, shadowed, hurting and I don't know why... until this moment. All I want is for you to give it back to me... before someone else fills that void... before I can't give anymore and collapse into the broken marionette I've become. Taste me. Love me. Hear me. Hold me. Without the strings. Stringing me along. Dancing to your song. Do you see the circles you run in your manipulation. What else do you want from me. I have no more to give you! This is all I got... my heart bleeding on the floor isn't enough... am I enough. It isn't fair. My eyes burn with frustration. What am I doing to myself... I am thinking too much again. Ripping myself at the seams. This is what happens when I lay in the dark. I tear myself apart. Jumping at the sound of my own voice, a stranger I don't know telling me lies. My heart beating, bleeding...
If I am all you have... why do I feel like nothing?
