Ramblings of the Deepest Depression.

That moment when there is nothing. That numbness, a choking shell. The brightest light burns with searing pain and the darkest nights are warming to the heart.

I whisper to shadows about my sorrow, wishing it wasn't toxic waste dripping from my mouth. Poison to those who love me. Fervently sewing the cracks in my broken exoskeleton into a quilt to cover the truth and let the world see only the pretty patches of triumph. If only hands could help to hold the sands of my broken heart slipping through my shaking fingers underneath. This outer layer providing a soft cover for the kindness... only myself to blame when I won't let anyone in.

Smiling and laughing are just parroted mimics of time past. How is it that I can be in such a safe place and feel so scared. Keep me from returning to the places killing me slowly. Working to near death just to, continue to, barely being able to live. Holding my breath so the plague of my sorrow will not spread infection leaving me alone with my screaming pleas of depression.



Every lasting moment is chained to my scarred body. There is no keyhole to unlatch them from me. I have been pulling them with me all my life. I've grown so weary and I am tired and I am broken. When will I be broken enough? The ghosts continue to haunt... frolicking with those demons as they whisper and scratch and bite. Running talons down my hollowed face leaving trails of betrayal from each confrontation. Perched on my shoulders weighing my every movement down. Digging claws into my chest making me gasp for words that roll into soundless screams. Mocking me with tales of my heart being too big... Shame on me. I will suffer the punishments eternally for believing the best in people. I will continue to be broken, dragging myself along through the darkness. Hiding from the light. Storing the suffering inside lest it free itself into the hearts of those around me.

Rose colored glasses in various shades, I pass out in spades. Nobody can see the truth... otherwise the poison will continue to ruin the only things holding me up. The strings master my basic motions. Wishing they would snap. Let me tumble down, break into pieces and fall to stillness... to lay in silence.