Etymology Of A Dream

The words once meant something... the best of me wants to believe. Nothing I said wasn't the truth, whether or not it was cruelty or passion. Now, I am plagued by the personification of words swirled throughout the atmosphere of my dreams.

~~~

Stale air filled with whitened breath pulling heavily from my diaphragm, toes curled around steps ascending steeply. Tears streaming down, maps of terror and pain frozen by the wind against pale flesh. Chuckling under your heavy breathing, steps heavier and closer. Closing in on me. Warm light spilling over the ruins, contrasting the chill throughout her spine, as the room around cut a unceremonious memory-

Nearly empty room, two dressers, one once white now beaten with an obvious history of having been moved too many times and another a fake wood pattern smaller against the back wall. Next to a big window displaying a view of a nursery beyond the empty parking lot, adorned with the beauty of late spring laid out for people to purchase. Trellis alive with honeysuckle and ivy, weaved between young saplings and a ponds of koi and lilies. The room filled with warm fading light as the sun was setting. The bed simple mattress against the floor merely boxed in a frame of light wood. Several blankets and pillows created a nest of comfort surrounding two bodies cuddled against each other. Her head laid on his chest staring out the window with a hand resting on his thigh. He had his arm around her shoulder, filling her with the sense of protection and peace. So content, so pleasant... her favorite moments. Just laying with her lover in the silence. Before falling into a euphoric sleep she squeezed her hand lightly whispering, "I love you so much." as the light faded...

Flames melted away the greens of the nursery, all that was life was burning into ashes. Noxious gases warped the air. She pushed herself against the wall in the darkest corner, he was going to win... she tried to plan on how to defend herself. This wasn't how it was suppose to be. As if streamed from the flicker of a B horror film. The footsteps stopped at the door, heavy in their own shadows.

Everything went black. Air so viscus and dark, it filled her lungs and squeezed her throat. Not even her gasping breath could be heard.

"Stop trying to fight it, you know you want it, I know I am the only one you want!" the familiar voice spat. His strength held her down, nails biting flesh deeper with every pain filled movement. A once passion engulfed in the play of power. All he wanted was to manipulate and force all that he wanted until it no longer amused him. Soon her muscles couldn't even fight back under the pressure of his body. There was no escape, not even the most redeeming memories provided a release from the reality. An emanation of silent tears pulled pieces of her soul from her pleading eyes. Punishment for adoration and devotion... until her eyes were empty and there was only numbness.

Stripped bare and tied to a medical chair, her eyes stared at the ceiling. Skin glistening with bruises, blood and sweat. How much time had passed she didn't even fathom. Only flashes of horror filled the gaps of vacancy. On his terms. Every moment, when it was an entertainment to him. He'd pulled out chunks of her hair and left her to bleed. Poorly sutured wounds adorned her fair skin. Along her thighs, a slice... then would pull back the skin to reveal the muscle. Sometimes he'd cut a smaller wound, then he would insert his finger, wriggle it around between skin and the layers below... or worse.

Her eyes didn't wander when he entered the room, she made no movement. She'd been long since empty of emotion, anxiety and fear. How long had it been?

"I know the solution. We need to do some plastic surgery and then we can fix you. You were so worthless before. But since I have you, let's solve this problem." scalpel glistened in his hand, with needle and thread in the other. Her eyes locked on his, unblinking. Suddenly his hand lashed forward pressing hard against her forehead. There was a slice along the top of her eyes, then stitching then tightly, pulling them tighter together. "There we go, when you heal... this more ethnic look will be much more pleasing to look at. Then after you allow me to torture you some more. Then maybe you will be worthy of me and I will tolerate your affections...maybe." Running his hand softly down her body stopping at her navel... "But this won't do!" The scalpel quickly pierced her skin once again, he reaching inside her and pulled out a bloody fetus. "Oh, no no no. This can only happen on my terms. You cannot have this happiness... I didn't say you could." To this point she had been numb, the overwhelming emotion of hurt caused her to convulse but not even her eyes could cry anymore.

~~~

And my chest feels heavy and my heart breaks every day. I wake from these nightmares into another nightmare. I am so tired... I am running out of will. The words glisten like the scars of our past. Mixing the untold with the unknown with all that is left of me, fading fast.