Fly

The heavy on my chest, taking my breath away. I am not going to say to you what is pumping through my veins. You already know. This weight. It is guilt. All I want to do is better myself so you can love me.

Thumb softly touches your temple while I gently place my knees to align my belly to yours. Fingers brush through your hair, down your nape, around your ear... cheek to cheek, breasts close enough for a tremble in my core. All I can whisper is, "I want you so much but you have to want me too." Lingering for just a moment before I pull away.

Everyday has made me stronger. I want everyday to make you stronger too. I am so sorry for letting myself become this monster. I just made it too way. We never want what we can have. Alas, I fucking refuse to give up.

Un-Obtainable

There is a problem. I understand it now. I see what was missing, what is missing... was was missing. The thing we skipped. Then the thing there never was.

I have never been unobtainable to you. You have never had to fight for my affection or attention. It was too easy. Now, you will never want to fight for my affection. How does this get fixed without simply losing. How do I be unobtainable in a way that will not just get myself severed from you. I need to accept that I have to not want you until you want me.

This time I am not giving up. I am not giving into the temptation of self-destruction and brooding. To walk the line of doubt. If put into a situation that has you completely broken and you had a way to fix it, wouldn't you try. Giving this up is hard, trying to fix it is even harder. If there is a challenge to be had. This is it.

Being strong is the hardest thing to do.