Too much flows through my head. Seems like maybe I process too much at once. Over thinking things I should just let lie. But how does someone ignore the licking flame when it is burning their skin off?
A ghost, reflection, around each corner... waiting to catch me at the wrong angle... shatter. Should I let the razor whispers next to my ear, get into my head, where they rattle and slice? I don't think I can control it. I've done everything I can do... when is it too much? Pushing myself to hard to do or not do things?
Scanning the crystal squares with prying mind. Comparing, tracking, stalking and doing nothing but watching. When does it become creepy... I think it is creepy to begin with... the thoughts you articulate. The thoughts that pour out of my mouth as stringy incoherent ramblings. Winding around the point I am trying to articulate and strangling it into a weak gasping echo.
You wear a crooked battered mask with broken written across the forehead in faded pen...
Get over it already... Seven sins, seventh level of hell and seven years... you aren't only torturing yourself, pretending to be so ice cold. A little passion to melt your synthetic ice is not going to hurt anyone.
"The past is a prison for those who live in it... the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it."
If I can move on... why can't you... it is a festering wound that refuses to heal because your god damn finger is squiggling around inside of it... well more so it is her finger that you've mummified and are prodding me with. And now you have abandoned it strategically, leaving a space to bleed the disease out. Easing my pain with a distracting discomfort. It is still going to hurt as long as you continue. Faithful yes... as in returned favor... but your leaving me with a bitter flavor. For now play the double sided coin... abandon the ones who love you? I make no sense now, but density will only remain so long. Is nothing ever going to be enough? Are you never going to be enough? You do know the only one who cares anymore is me...
What am I saying. I might not even know. My eyes are wide but blank and my brain is buzzing line into blurs... my body is sore and weak, yet thriving. I don't know what I see in myself anymore... maybe just that last glimmer of wanting something more. So I take the first steps into the great unknown... well a small step for me... a giant leap for my lifetime.
Yet the whispers continue, sonic waves flow like blood down my face... I miss you. Even when I am slowly weathering away inside. I don't want to be ice... I want to be the sunshine that warms your face, dances in your eyes and melts your heart.
The star that guides you might be bright but it is leading you south... look toward me. The north star will lead you home to whose heart truly beats for only you.
If you lose site of me... then you are going to be left in the dark where the only stars you'll see will run you in blind circles until you are truly broken.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
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