Nothing golden stays... and my life is the rusting handle bars of an old tricycle.
The past 7 months have been nothing but hell. I didn't know that I had done such a horrible job at living because life is punishing me for existing.
I would actually love to say I was exaggerating. I would love to continue on with this sentence to have it end with a clever Paulina-like sarcasm... but in my life thinks don't really end like that. My humor is a poor excuse to hide the ever piling shit of my life.
So in August I begin to get sick. I have to break off a pretty good relationship. Then I begin school at the most wonderfully horrid place I could ever have not hoped to attend for my schooling to begin with... well I was excited at one point. I use to look forward to going to school and waking up in general. I also made one of the best friends I could ever hope for. So not all was bad, until I got sicker. One sick day led to another and next thing I know I am falling behind and I have never been a poor student. I go to the doctor... again... and again... and again... finally it is decided. "Paulina's tonsils need to be removed." Oh goodie.. so I spend a wonderful and horrid time recovering. Thus I fail a class I can't fix. Great more amazing good stress for the Paulina.
So I return to school... scrap by on my final and now time for some Christmas break rest and relaxation. If only... unfortunately I find out that my Mom's father had passed away. (My car also died...) So everything I had saved up is put toward and emergency trip to California. My mother and I begin our stay with my Aunt Tori... all was good for a little bit. Then she got into her usual alcoholic self and blamed us for her problems. So we high-tail it to my Uncle Alan and Aunt Teresa's house for a refreshing and relaxing stay until the funeral, where mostly emotions hovering around death is the only roadblock. I loved walking on the beach in my bare feet and getting to know my cousin Julia. It makes me so happy to have reconnected with that half of the family (even though it revealed things about my extended family that put upset elsewhere.)
Finally, I am home free. I get to enjoy as much time as I can with the best friend anyone could hope to have. My Biffy is my everything. Even though our seeing each other is separated by 4 painful months I enjoyed every waking second I got to spend just being with my best friend in the world. It was a slight relief. School was out, I got some personal affairs into order and it seemed like all of the stress was finally leaving and I could have peace of mind...
Then the most amazing thing happened.
I met the most random and not random person of my life. I took a bloody movie offer on a whim. I don't know what came over me but it was the best date of my life and now I have the most amazing boyfriend I could ever hope for... I don't know if he realizes how much he actually means to me and that I would do anything for him. He has up and stolen my heart and he can have the little ratty guy...
I haven't been happier. Those dreaded and evil words that curse my life... "I am happy." I am... I am... I am... I'm trying... for things in my life are coated in fool's gold.
I have been sick since August. After the tonsils something new showed up. I couldn't get enough to drink. I was dying of thirst. I was peeing like a pregnant woman. My vision was all screwy and I lost 25lbs in a month. So after slipping on the ice and being fed up with my thirst I go to the Doc-in-the-Box. They run some tests and he tell me I have Type 1 Diabetes... hor-fucking-yay... now I have to be rushed straight to the hospital to spend three nights and fours days fighting my new disease that has just completely just turned my whole life upside down. So apparently I did something in a past life to make karma hate me. Rather than just break my leg as payback, karma takes my pancreas and gives my diabetes. So now I get to spend the rest of my life starving and staring at food and goodies I cannot take part in, if I want to keep my toes and kidneys.
Now, this is something horrible, but I have a good support group. I have an amazing job, supportive family, caring/kind friends and surrounded by love. Not to mention a boyfriend who is supportive about my new sickness 100%... well while he is still here.
Now I have an awesome boyfriend. And my awesome boyfriend was presented with a great opportunity to better his life... but I am selfish and don't want him to go away. He may be leaving for some 15+ months to another state looming near the equator...
I just don't want to lose the one really good thing I have left in my life.
I do not want to lose that fuzzy happy feeling again.
But I support him in return 100% and hope with my heart that it doesn't mean the end because I would wait for him. For now I am taking in every moment I can just being with him and his dorking but oh so cute self. (And he made the most amazing lunch for me today.
)So here I am. Sick. Frustrated. Confused. Broken. Sad. Still hating school.
Trying to be happy because there are things to be happy about.
Oh yeah and the catalyst for my blogging is the great Microsoft and it's Demon Test Tube Spawn, Windows Vista. Just because life likes to fuck with me and just because I don't have enough problems... it decided... "Hey... let's crash Paulina's computer and delete all of her files."
I get attacked by various animals... I don't cry.
I slip and bang myself up on the concrete... I don't cry.
I get my belly piercing ripped out of my skin... I don't cry.
I get told I have a forever illness... I cry.
I get told my boyfriend is most likely leaving for a long time... I cry.
I get overloaded with so many emotions and then suddenly my brand spanking new computer fucks with my head... total emotional breakdown.
Welcome to my life...
It only gets better and better.
